We take forms of risk asking them on a date, holding their hands, going for a kiss, asking them to meet our friends, taking off their clothes, having passionate sex, bringing up difficult subjects, arguing, proposing marriage…. But, without being willing to deal with sadness, regret, remorse, depression, anger, frustration, and a wide range of negative emotions…
These risks start from when we get over our fears to walk up to them and introduce ourselves, with the possibility of rejection, to revealing that we love certain things, and risking them calling those same things childish, stupid, or boring.
Complicating things is the fact that each person experiences their own set of emotions, and can think of each other as the abandoner or engulfer!
In some cases the individual who distances themselves doesn’t notice, and the abandoner begins to feel like all the energy is coming from within to keep the relationship together.
A case is built by the avoider to stop the relationship and to shut down their emotions, such as by being critical, finding faults in the other, and losing sexual interest. Asking certain questions can clarify this : The emotion of love makes us feel vulnerable.